Breaking Free from Self-Sabotage
Have you noticed your short-comings? Does life feel like the sisyphus curse, where each time you get closer to your goal, you suddenly find yourself back at the starting line? If this sounds familiar, you might be experiencing self-sabotage.
What is self-sabotage
Self-sabotage is when you fail to act on your goals, often using convincing excuses that seem valid in the moment. It usually starts small and unconsciously—like skipping meal prep. Initially harmless, this leads to quick snack fixes when hunger strikes. Over time, these choices can derail your progress, and soon, feelings of shame and disappointment emerge, chipping away at your self-esteem and making it harder to refocus.”
There are numerous reasons for self-sabotage:
Procrastination
When you know the actions required to reach your goal and decide not to engage in them, then we are talking about procrastination. You have the key to the door taking you exactly where you want to be, YET you decide to keep it locked, waiting for the elusive “later”. Later comes and the door is still closed.
If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done
Bruce Lee
Opening that door doesn’t have to be a monumental task. Think about the smallest step you can take. For someone wanting to lose weight this could be a small walk from their doorstep to the main road (I hope you don’t live in a ranch). Do it again on the next day. You are building a habit here! When this turns into a breeze, go one step further and take it around your house. Consistent baby steps are key. You can adapt this to your own goal, whatever and how big it might be.
Self-image
If you desire to become a healthier person, then act like one. Imagine the fittest person you know, how would they feel after a day of healthy habits? How would they act when cravings submerge? What would their inner voice say? Write all the things down that you come up with.
Take your time, …
Done?
Good, your next step is to read them through, vision yourself being this very much person at EVERY GIVEN MOMENT of your day. This is your homework for the next 7 days. This very important skill is called modeling!
People learn a great deal by observing others.
Albert Bandura
Negative self-talk
We are our most inner critic! There is a voice in your head constantly speaking, whether you pay attention or not. Unfortunately, this voice can be off-putting, saying things we wouldn’t dare express to a stranger, let alone to a friend.
These repeated thoughts are influenced by your social environment. You become what you hear the most, since you rehearse it until you internalize it. Like writing a new program on a harddisk. Ultimately, you become the sum of the things you surround yourself with.
To counteract this negative self-talk, surround yourself with empathy, loving and carrying people. Engage with uplifting Tv shows, music, and any other inputs you can imagine. By doing so, you can significantly remediate negative thoughts about yourself.
Additionally, support this effort by writing down positive things about yourself and visualizing even better scenarios. (More on visualization here.)
Perfectionism
IT IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH, doesn’t that ring a bell?
Think back to a time when you didn’T show up or gave up just because the stars weren’t perfectly aligned. Either everything’s in place, or you won’t even start, right?
But here’s the truth: You don’t go on the journey because the circumstances are ideal, you go on the journey to make everything ideal. You are goal oriented, which gets you started, to keep moving you need to shift towards becoming progress oriented. Focus on the path itself, not just the destination.
Avoidance
You WILL feel discomfort when starting-that’s normal. You have two choices: face the discomfort of starting once or face the discomfort of staying where you are every day. Beginning is tough for everyone; it’s unfamiliar territory, and unpleasant emotions may show up. But while taking a new path brings the chance for change, staying the same only brings more of what you want to leave behind.
Here’s how to start:
- Acknowledge the Discomfort: Accept that feeling uncomfortable is part of the process. Remind yourself it’s temporary and part of growth.
- Take Small Steps: Instead of diving in, start with one small step that you can handle today. Whether it’s a 5-minute task or a simple mindset shift, small progress matters.
- Reflect on the Benefits: Visualize how taking action will improve your life. Picture where you want to be in a month or a year if you start now.
- Hold Yourself Accountable: Write down your commitment and revisit it daily to stay on track. Be your own movie director—create a new storyline with each step you take.
Every day is a new chance to direct your life. Adopt self-responsibility, take action, and trust that this discomfort leads to control of your own destiny.”**
